Jumping into Recurse

Originally published 12/16/2021

Last Thursday was my last day at my job. In less than 3 weeks, I start Recurse Center.

I couldn't be more excited to jump into it. 

For now, I'm reflecting and preparing. I'm trying to soak in that pre-adventure feeling.

This isn't the first time I've jumped off the beaten path. So it's not the first time I've felt this feeling.

After my freshman year of college, I decided I didn't want to be there. I took a year off. That fall I went to go live in and study villages along the Mekong River. It feels similar to how I felt before that. 

After a few years back at college, I decided Mechanical Engineering wasn't for me. I started taking classes for a major that I would create for myself. It hadn't even been approved yet. That felt similar too.

There's a Swedish word that a friend of mine has tattooed on his arm: resfeber. The definition I find online is: "the restless race of the traveler's heart before the journey begins, when anxiety and anticipation are tangled together."

I like that word. But that's never how I've felt. The anxiety and restless has always come leading up to the decision. But once I've committed and the weeks before the actual jump have come, I don't feel that way. At least not consciously. It's much more like the calm, yet slight restlessness of sitting in a waiting room. But like a waiting room, it brings a certain type of presence and awareness. Instead of feeling anxious, I feel more like "yup, this is just what I'm doing.'

That doesn't mean it's not an exciting place to be. It just means it's one I'm confident I should be in. 

I couldn't be happier to jump into a new adventure.